I was singing to the girls last night and started to sing We'll Bring the World His Truth. Whenever I sing that song, it always reminds me of my friend, Koryn. It was one of her favorite church songs. Last night, the emotions were especially strong, so I had a hard time finishing the song. Vanessa, my emotional barometer, needed to know why, and not a simple answer would do. I began to tell her about Koryn.
I believe I first met Koryn while I was still in elementary school. I don't recall much from when I first met her, but I remember she was always a sweet, friendly, loving person who had a gift for making people feel accepted. She cared about everyone.
In middle school, she was one of the only people strong enough to stand up completely against peer pressure, and did things according to her standard, not according to the insecurities of others. She was so strong.
Even through high school, Koryn was consistently a thoughtful, amazing friend. She had such fun, quick sense of humor that would catch you off-guard and make you laugh just when you needed it most. She was always so good at seeing the positive.
It was during high school that Koryn found out she had Hodgkin's Lymphoma. I remember when she told the news, it seemed like time stood still. Cancer? At this age? To Koryn? I was speechless, and I soon found she was conforting me rather than the other way around.
The story is a long, hard one, but to be brief, Hodgkin's took its toll. She was 16 when she received her diagnosis. When the rest of us were dating and hanging out, and life was generally carefree, she was dealing with chemo and other treatments, and all the isolation and pain that came with it. It would have been enough to make anyone bitter, but with Koryn, she was cracking jokes and asking how well others were doing. Her cancer went into remission for a short time, then came back with a vengeance. The times she was feeling a little better, our group of friends (some pictured above) were able to do a lot of fun and creative things together. She even got to go to one of the school dances our senior year, and flew back from treatments in Mexico to attend graduation.
I hate to admit it, even to myself, but when Koryn was hospitalized or confined to home, I never visited her. I think I was simply afraid. I was afraid of how much the cancer and treatments were hurting my friend. I was afraid of not being strong for her, and making her feel worse. I was afraid of disturbing her time with her family. I was afraid of cancer. I let that fear make me less of a friend.
Koryn hit a point at which treatments were no longer effective. She passed away May 25th, 2001. She was 19. I miss her. I think about her at every milestone in my life and wish I could share it with her; that I could witness her reaching those same milestones.
It's hard to express my feelings, even after 8 years. Koryn has been a model to me of what a real friend is. She had such a big heart and a genuine love for people that never waned. While I don't mean to canonize her, she is truly unique. She taught me so much about what is really important in life. I dearly wish in life I had been the sort of friend to her that she was to me. I imagine, even now in heaven, she is constantly reaching out to people and just simply loving them. I keep trying to be better myself so that I can be that sort of friend, to her and others, when we meet again. Perhaps, then, I can share all these thoughts with her. Or perhaps she already knows...
I love and miss you, Koryn!
8 comments:
She sounds like an amazing friend and all around girl! It probably isn't much comfort, but I think some spirits are so special, that they don't need to be here for very long. They have proven themselves and are ready to return to our Father in Heaven!
I remember Koryn well, she was in my Sunday School class. She was everything you said about her, beautiful and full of faith and hope. She is one of those our Heavenly Father needed to call home a little sooner. Thank you for the sweet memory and the touching tribute.
What a great tribute! I never knew Koryn well because she was so much younger. I do remember her as one of the kindest, sweetest people I had ever met.
I also remember a dinner that she spent with our family. I think it was Christmas and for some reason she was all alone so we invited her over. Oddly, we had hamburgers instead of the traditional turkey and ham.
Before I even read your thoughts on your friend, the picture said something to me! She has an infectious smile that just says what a special person she was/is! I'm sorry for the loss of your friend, but I'm glad to see she is still touching your life (and I'm sure many others) for good!
I have a feeling,Lisa, that you were good friends with Koryn in heaven before you two came to earth. I feel priviledged to have known her. Koryn had a powerful impact on youth of all ages as well as adults. The stake center was packed at her funeral. Many non-members attended that were teachers and fellow classmates.
Her mom now lives in Utah.
I think the reason she ate dinner with us is because her parents were out of town and wouldn't be home until late and I was glad we could keep her company that night.
Thank you for sharing Lisa. I do remember Koryn, but mostly through you. I knew she was your friend and she meant alot to you. I also remember being at her funeral and the song that always reminds me of her is "God Be With You 'Til We Meet Again". I remember when you found out about her passing (I wrote about that day in my Journal) and you I saw you playing the piano and then going off downstairs with tears in your eyes. I don't mean to share this for you to remember how sad it was, but as a memory of mine of how much I saw that she meant to you and it helped me understand the magnitude of that moment in your life. I want to let you know that you have been an example in my life and I'm grateful for her for the impact she had on your life because it has effected mine. I always had my friends in school and stuff but when I was little most of them weren't members so alot of the strenght in the gospel I saw was through you. Thank you again for sharing, I know her spirit still lives on and I'm glad that she is still able to have an impact on you. I love you!
So tender! I have goose bumps and can feel the Spirit strongly as I read your words. I never knew Koryn, but I know the impact she had on people's lives and was grateful to be able to give back a little when I helped Amy (Johnson) Wilks with her marathon for Koryn.
I think you are the friend to her that she has been for you. I am sure while many people remember her and from time to time and think about her you are keeping her alive and honoring her in your own way. That takes a very special kind of friend.
Her spirit is still and forever will be very much alive and living and you have just honored that. I don't think she could ask for a better friend than that. I share your feelings in missing her and wanting to be the best I can be to once again reunite with her and share all of my thoughts and feelings. She is very blessed to have you for a friend. Thank you Lisa for taking the time to honor her. Now you both are reaching out and showing love to others.
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